Feminism or Fanaticism?

I want to start this article by sharing with you a personal experience of mine.

There was this time I had attended a conference and many representatives of different NGOs were present. There was this group of women, who were feminists, talking about the organisation they had just created which had the aim of helping women who had been abused physically and sexually. Out of curiosity, I asked them a single question: What about men who are abused too?

Their answer shocked me. They said that they had men working for them but they did not offer help to men who were abused. Curious again, I enquired: Would they broaden their scope in the future and include male victims as well? I was welcomed with the same reluctant answer; they had men working for them but they had no intention of helping male victims now or later.

I was very confused and outraged that day. How can we exclude a certain group of people from certain services on the grounds that they are physically different? How can we discriminate on the victim of a terrible crime because of what they have between their legs? This was the moment that brought about this decision of mine: I am not a feminist and I never will be.

For starters let me tackle the word itself. Feminism. Formerly it represented the will and determination of women to acquire the same rights as men had; the right to vote, the right to equal pay and basically eliminating the massive discrimination women faced then.

But now? It has become a synonym for subtle oppression. Its meaning has been awfully distorted. Among the many ‘feminists’ comments and conversations I have personally seen and had, most of these militants wished women to be more privileged than men. This obviously goes against the initial purpose.

And let us be realistic. Words can be interpreted in different ways and these different ways have different impacts. Those who are aware of its real definition are to be praised. But there are many who, unfortunately, interpret it wrongly. This is the reason why, to avoid any confusion, I’d personally rather replace this word by another term; equalist or humanist.

Besides, unlike the common opinion, men face discrimination and have been stereotyped as well. Let us start by the social double standards they face. I will divide this into two categories; the emotional oppression and the physical standards set by society.

‘Don’t cry. Boys are strong. Boys do not cry’.

How many of you have heard someone say this or actually said it yourself to a little crying boy? Appalling, right? How can you tell someone not to express his emotions, even if it is a little kid? Males have been groomed ever since they are born to be in a certain way just as women have. They have been taught to be emotionless. To be always stoic. To never show sadness or anger. And if they ever do, they are treated with horrible words by both their male and female friends.

Coming to the physical aspect, well I think many of you will agree with me. While nowadays women are supposed to have big boobs and a huge derrière, men are supposedly more attractive if they have abs and biceps and triceps and whatnot. Let us also not forget the chiselled face and the immeasurable manly strength. The reason why many have become self-conscious.

Legally speaking it becomes scarier. I’ll take the example of a single legal aspect in Mauritius; rape. Rape, in Mauritius, is defined as forceful, unconsented penetration. So basically, unless sodomised, a woman raping a man is not a conceivable accusation since nothing is being inserted inside the male. If a man is raped, his aggressor cannot be prosecuted on the grounds of rape. Chilling and unjust, right?

Also, we have a huge misunderstanding that man is always the rapist and woman is always the victim. Let me state some facts. In 2015, according to records, 9% of rape victims were male. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Centre;

·      1 in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives

·       1 in 16 men will be sexually assaulted in college

·      1 in 45 men are made to penetrate an intimate partner when intoxicated or drugged

·      1 in 6 boys are sexually assaulted before the age of 18

·      40.2% gay men, 47.4% bisexual men and 20.8% heterosexual men reported sexual violence other than rape.

Let me also remind you that these are only the reported cases. There are many who choose to remain silent due to fear of society’s backlash.

Men have also been objectified a lot through the years. The trend of having a ‘Sugar Daddy’ is the freshest example. Basically, a young girl goes into the search for an older, very rich man who can provide her with all her eccentric wants. Many of us laugh at this new concept but sadly, it is a reality.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the version of feminism that aims for equal rights. I strongly support this cause. But I am very against the other version of feminism which oppresses and bullies men. For me, this goes against the main purpose of the Suffragettes (the group of women who started the fight for equal rights and the end of gender discrimination).

The moment we start seeing it from a gender issue is the moment we contribute to the division between the genders. The words man and woman should be replaced by human.

Every human should be entitled to the same right. Every human should be provided with the same services. Every human should be able to dress the way it wants to. To express its emotions it wants to. And to live its life the way it wants to.

If you are a feminist who fights for equal rights and nothing more, I applaud you but if you are a feminist who aims for more privilege than the opposite gender, I have a question for you.

Do you really aim to fight discrimination with discrimination?    

Sending buckets full of love your way,

Kavya H. Saikia 🌸