Being Transexual

I will start this article by sharing with you the life story of an acquaintance I recently made who has chosen to remain anonymous. Before we begin, I would like to publicly applaud and thank her for sharing what she has been through, with me and with all of you reading. This has probably required a lot of courage and I admire and respect her for that. With no further ado, here is her story.

****

At around the age of 3, despite acting boyish to catch people's attention, my dream was to be a girl. I'm not proud of it but I was jealous of the girls I came across of – or maybe I was just envious. Still, back then, I didn't dislike wearing boy's clothes so long as they looked stylish. But I wanted to look girlish and was unhappy to be considered a boy. This got confirmed over the following years. I'd fancy wearing girls' clothing and shoes. I'd think of me as a second-class person as I wasn't allowed to express my true self and live the way I'd feel happy.

I come from a strict religious background and anything that went "against my parents' wish" was deemed to be a sin. I didn't even know my religion's stance on the matter. I just knew I'd be in trouble should I "act girlish" so I resigned myself to a male identity. I remember being scolded by my mother when I dared to wear her makeup and blouse. She told me that what I had done "doesn't abide by our religious text". I was 5 then, if not younger. I tried to find happiness as a male. Yet, anytime I'd be home alone I'd wear my mother's clothes and shoes.

I couldn't understand why girls wouldn't befriend me just like they would befriend another girl. I thought of a relationship as a way of befriending when the usual mechanism doesn't work. But still, I wasn't comfortable attempting to "pick up" girls – despite my condition, I didn't wanna be dishonest and eventually hurt a girl's feelings. That might explain why I've never had a proper relationship ever. Whenever I have an affinity with a girl, I want us to share our feelings and opinions on any subject, be it human nature, world affairs or aesthetics. But I've never liked it to be expected to act "manly".

In fact, this condition of mine is termed gender dysphoria. It doesn't necessarily have a connection with sexual orientation. Like cisgender people, transgender people can be hetero, homo or bi. Since the 1980's, gender dysphoria has been removed from the list of mental illnesses in many countries.

I've been depressed, I considered ending my life but now I wanna fight. I aim at a full male-to-female (MtF) transition. After one year, my psychiatrist has accepted to authorise the first step, Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). Now I'll visit an endocrinologist for the prescription. Then, my next target is Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS). And finally, I wish to undergo facial surgery to "make it perfect". Transgender people exist, we can expect to be treated with neutrality.

But prior to my psychiatrist’s decision I had to prove my determination and courage. I've accepted myself as a woman, wearing makeup and dressing accordingly. It was extremely frightening at first. I'd feel devastated everyday as I came across people staring at me with disgust or openly making fun of me. I've been threatened, sworn at and humiliated. I'll never feel comfortable in the midst of disrespect, but over time I'm learning to deal with it. Although I came out, I still try to be discreet when I'm on campus. Some people think they have the right to impose their moral judgement, their views.

However, some people are wonderful. Many of them acknowledge my gender identity and call me Madam. It's one of the best feelings I've ever experienced. I wanna focus on those displays of humanity and respect. Living as a woman made me realise that happiness is achievable and that I deserve to be valued as a human being. People might disagree, but it's so unfair to impose a lifestyle on people because they're different and seek freedom. It's bullying. No more, no less.

I came out to my parents on the phone a couple of weeks ago. Now, we'll have to talk face-to-face during my vacation next month. I'm feeling uneasy. I think we must be careful when it comes to organising LGBT parades as for (some) cisgender and/or heterosexual persons it might be shocking and as an indirect consequence, make them fearful and intolerant. However, I strongly disagree with those who march against LGBT freedom as their aim is clearly to impose their views instead of accepting that at some point we must agree to disagree. Live and let live. No two women are the same. No two men are the same. We're different, yet equally valuable!

****

As for me, I would like to clarify some misconceptions that many of us have. First off, there is a difference between sex and gender. Sex classifies humans into two categories; male and female. You are biologically considered a male if you have the male reproductive organs and you are considered a female if you have the female counterparts. To be even more specific, sex refers to the ‘X’ or ‘Y’ chromosome that the individual possesses.

Gender, on the other hand, is more subjective. Gender is what you associate yourself to be through the process of socialisation. It consists of what society has taught us of how a specific gender should be and act like. A simple known example is how men should be muscular to be considered a ‘man’ and how women should be submissive and vulnerable to be a real ‘woman’. Transgender people have a gender identity that differs from their assigned sex. So yes, you can have the male organs and be a female or have the female organs and be a man.

Secondly, this is not a sudden revelation. This is a longitudinal pathway. As you have read above, my friend was not comfortable in her own skin ever since she was 3. There was no influence of media. There was no influence of any trend or whatever excuse many people bring up to shame transsexual people. There was only her view of how she wanted to be and act like, but could not.

Thirdly, being transgender does not mean being gay. There is a huge difference actually. Being gay, lesbian or bisexual has to do with the sexual orientation of that person, that is, whom he or she is attracted to. Transgender of transsexual refers to how the person relates more to the gender that is different from that of their birth sex. This confusion most probably stems from the stigma and discrimination suffered by homosexuals regarding their gender non-conformity rather than their sexual preference.

From a religious standpoint, some religions condemn transsexuality while others show much tolerance. Any religion should not restrict the freedom of any person regardless of his or her faith. But again, out of the 5000 and still counting gods that exist, why would the one you specifically worship bring upon earth an individual it would not want to exist?

Lastly, I would also like to clarify that transsexuality is not a new occurrence in our world’s society. History records show that it has existed in some American Native tribes, in Ancient Assyria (2500 BC – 605 BC), Ancient India, Ancient Greece (2900 BC- 641 BC) and Ancient Rome (753 BC – 476 BC). Again, this is neither a new phenomenon nor a new ‘trend’.

Informative note:

·      Along with transsexual women, transsexual men exist as well (Female to Male) who undergo the same medical treatments to become a male.

·      According to a study in America, transgender people are four times more likely than the general population to report living in extreme poverty, making less than $10,000 per year, a standing that sometimes pushes them to enter the dangerous trade of sex work. Nearly 80% of transgender people report experiencing harassment at school when they were young. As adults, some report being physically assaulted trains and buses, in retail stores and restaurants.

I personally admire those who stand up to the majority regardless of the intensive bullying that follows, and choose to be who they want to be over what the society wants them to be. Unfortunately, there are some who give up and either endure a lie for the rest of their lives or end their lives. For that, we have only ourselves to be blamed. We have been, and still are, so cruel to only focus on our views and fears that we completely disregard the rights and feelings of others who see things differently.

Albeit the world is changing and we are now in the 21^st century, it still has very little tolerance for gender non-conformity. Civilisation and modernity should not only refer to new technological advancements or luxuries that one can afford. It should most importantly encompass tolerance, acceptance and a change of mentality. I would ask you to understand that we are all different and yet, we are all humans, regardless of our views and opinions.

On a final note, I would encourage you to set aside your fears, prejudices and any religious or political views and see each other as simple human beings who deserve equal rights, respect and love. I would also encourage you to voice out, to be who you really are and to live a life that does not encroach that of another.

Neither limit yourself nor limit others.

Only you know who you were born to be, and you need to be free to be that person. – Ruby Rose

Sending buckets full of love your way,

Kavya H. Saikia 🌸