Beauty Standards and Pretty Little Me

When I was younger I had a bucketful of ambitions and careers I wished to pursue. I wanted to be a celebrity, an actor, a chef and a model. I actually wanted to do anything that did not involve studying, because who loves school at the lovely age of 12?

Gradually I learnt that I am quite talentless in these domains. I cannot for the love of me act for even a moment by maintaining a straight face and I lack culinary skills so much that all my dishes turn to disaster or I end up burning my poor skin and soul. 

Little anecdotes: I accidentally threw my boiled noodles in the washing basin twice, burned the soup I left to cook in the pressure cooker, managed to successfully obtain only one whole round ‘rasmalai’, an Indian sweet, out of the 25 I had made, and well you get the message. If you are searching for a partner who aces at cooking, I definitely am not the one.

So that left me with the modelling career. Modestly saying, I think that I may have an attractive face thanks to my genes and that kind of gave me hope. But again, I realised that I was lacking even in this domain. You see, the fashion industry requires you to be of a certain body type and have certain features which I obviously was not born with. According to the internet, my physique was insufficient and faulty. 

People around me further accentuated my ‘imperfections’. The constant body shaming I was subject to made me feel insecure for the first time. I was mocked for my tiny breasts and flat bottom. I was told that I was too short, too skinny and I was frequently asked if I ate properly. I was compared and probably still am being compared to flat surfaces and, what saddens me the most, to children suffering from malnutrition.

The questions and statements swarming in my head haunted me for quite a while. Is my head really too big for my body? Is the bump on my nose really that prominent? Am I too skinny? What should I do to have bigger breasts and a rounder rear? I am too short. My lips are too thin. I tan too easily. I am not pretty.

All these critics coming from some people close to me, friends, acquaintances and even strangers made me question my whole being. Even now I can exactly remember who said what and when. I am not usually a grudging person, but these are tiny scars that I will probably never forget the existence of.

I do not recall exactly when, but one time I just had enough. I had enough of the never-ending negative comments. I had enough of my brain imploding with all sorts of self-doubts. I had enough of my insecurities. I had enough of my low confidence. Most importantly, I had enough of not finding myself beautiful.

I tried to understand why people said what they said. Some said it out of worry for my health and some said it out of curiosity. Some said it out of spite maybe because at some point I may have contradicted or hurt them and some just wanted to state a fact. Through this, I realised some things.

Firstly, there is the blatant hypocrisy of society. I was told to be myself and that I was unique. I was also told that I was not enough and that I should change myself to adhere to what society views as beautiful. Does that make any sense to you? How can you be yourself by altering yourself?

Secondly, people are insensitive and superficial. I was given loads of adjectives and comments without the speakers even thinking of how I would feel. I was also hinted that if my body was somewhat different I would have been more appealing. Really? Does having a fairer skin make me more eye-catching? What about my personality? Does that mean nothing?

Thirdly, my life does not revolve around my physique. Albeit being well groomed is attractive, that stops there. I was only once called out for a flaw in my personality. Surprisingly that critique was much better welcomed. For me it was a positive criticism which guided me onto which part of myself I should be really polishing. 

Lastly, I am beautiful. I’d like to think that I have a nice personality. I am gentle, generous, kind and helpful. I try to protect when I can. I try to encourage and be there as a support. I try to understand. I try not to be mean or judgemental. My sense of humour is not that great but it’s not that bad either. I am still working on myself and I know that I have a long way to go, but for now, this is enough. 

Words have power, words are alive. We should be careful of what we say, to whom we say it and how we say it. We may take it lightly, but we have no idea the impact our words have on someone else until we face it ourselves. 

To all those being body-shamed, I acknowledge you. Being constantly criticised and judged is no easy obstacle. You have your dreams and confidence continuously crushed down and it takes a lot of mental strength and courage to overcome this. Nevertheless remember, with time your body grows but your personality stays young. One day we will all be old and saggy and then, our physical appearances will mean nothing.

Also, be who you are. You are definitely unique. Do not give in to the whims of society. Do not mould yourself into someone you are not just for the sake of fitting into the high beauty standards. We are all beautiful in our own special way and as long as we are healthy and happy, nothing else matters. After all, we are all perfectly imperfect. 

Sending buckets full of love your way,

Kavya H. Saikia 🌸